Survival, Sweat Beads, and Summertime

by Jen on April 17, 2012

My current work assignment is a pregnant woman’s dream.  I work alone in a room that connects to a bathroom and another office that belongs to a woman who is, coincidentally, out on maternity leave.  I worried about starting a job in my first trimester and how my constant dry heaving would affect my new co-workers.  The increased blood flow in my southern hemisphere put my already small bladder in overdrive, and I worried about the funny looks I’d get as I made my ninth trip to the bathroom in an hour.

When my supervisor introduced me to my current workspace, it was as though the angels had gift wrapped it for me.

I work alone.  I could pump classical music through the speakers of my computer making my fetus smarter by the second.  I could pee as often as I wanted.  I could dry heave in peace.  I could sit in a comfy chair and work at my own pace.  This assignment was slated to last for the duration of my first trimester, making it the most ideal pregnancy scenario in the world.

And then I miscarried.

I took a few days off and had massive anxiety about returning to the place that seemed so perfectly fit to nurture the first delicate months of my baby’s growth and development.  This room that seemed so Kismet was now going to be a mosaic of reminders of what I no longer needed.

I walked into the bright office, heart thumping, and spent the next eight hours playing catch up, re-organizing, and moving forward.

I survived.  I survived a seemingly impossible day without even so much as a tear.  It felt good.  The distractions were nice.  The accomplishments felt amazing, and best of all, I found evidence that I’m going to be just fine.

Bruised, but fine.

George and I had our first “plan of attack” conversation over pork chops last night.  While I’d give anything to have my first pregnancy back and to carry that baby to term, I want to take advantage of the possibility that my miscarriage may have opened my cervix enough to make conceiving again a little easier.  I put a call into the Reproductive Endocrinologist that discovered our first pregnancy and hope to meet with him in a month or so.  I’ve been pretty discouraged about the obstetric care I’ve received in NYC thus far, but the Reproductive Endocrinologist and all of his staff have been nothing but a pleasure to deal with.  I think I need that kind of support moving forward.

We had air conditioners installed last night.  One in our living room and one in our bedroom.  It’s been a million years since either of us have lived without the luxury of central air conditioning, but pre-war living in New York City ain’t equipped for such modern conveniences.  We’ve learned many New Yorkers go the entire summer without air conditioning, but our brains aren’t capable of understanding this.  I can handle hot, but sleeping in the heat?  Not a chance.  We’d sooner divorce than brave a sweaty slumber.

The signs of an early summer are abundant.  The bright red Spring tulips that line the street are starting to wilt.  My dogs are drinking more water.  The stairwell to our building is mimicking a sauna, and I recently experienced the joys of a solitary sweat bead originating at the base of my neck and traveling down my spine and terminating at the top of my panties.  On the bus.  Sexy.  I thought I was bidding farewell to humidity when we left Florida, but it turns out, New York is a hot, sticky mess too.  Yippee.

Sticky or not, this will be my first summer in The City.  My first anything in New York always feels so exciting.  And after living here for nearly four months (holy hell… four months!), I’m pretty sure it will just keep getting better.  A positive pregnancy test this summer would be the icing on the cake.

No pressure.  🙂

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{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }

1 mamamash April 17, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Hallelujah praise The Lord (and GE) for air conditioning.

Enjoy your "hot child in the city" summer, girl. Enjoy the hell out of it.


2 librajenn April 17, 2012 at 2:49 pm

I hope this summer brings your dreams to reality. And know that I think of you every day.


3 christina April 17, 2012 at 3:33 pm

so glad your first day back went so well!! and PRAISE SWEET BABY JESUS for air conditioning. 😉


4 runnermom-jen April 17, 2012 at 4:16 pm

SO glad to hear you're doing OK. Having a "plan of attack" always feels good.
P.S. I could live without AC, but my husband would divorce ME if we didn't have it. 😉


5 ace1028 April 17, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Seriously, living in the city w.o AC would be a killer. Definitely. I had an air conditioner in my Upper East Side apt that was so horrific it was right next to my bed, practically covered BY the bed and it froze over constantly. Serious. Awful. That summer I spent a lot of time at my boyfriend's studio and well-air conditioned apt in Chelsea instead. He was on the 1st floor too, I was not. Heat rises. Hooray for AC!

I'm glad you're back to work. I'm glad you're reestablishing your routine. Thinking of you. p.s. I'm coming home this week-weekend. I know you are surely busy and I'm going to be all over the place, but maybe we can email #s in case I wind up in your area at all. ((huge hugs))


6 gretafunk April 17, 2012 at 5:53 pm

I could never go through a summer without AC, no matter where I lived! I'd be so stinking cranky. I'm so glad your first day back went well! I hope it continues to. 🙂


7 Kayla April 17, 2012 at 8:18 pm

Seriously. Love. You!


8 Kim Young April 17, 2012 at 11:23 pm

I am so glad that your day went better than you thought it would.
This summer is going to be a great one for you. 🙂


9 Martha Cole April 18, 2012 at 12:26 am

Hopefully each day will be better and, of course, when you keep busy, you don't have time to think about the sad things in your life, and the pain lessens. I've been keeping you in my prayers and think of you often. As for air-conditioning, you will need it bigtime in the city. NYC will frequently feel hotter and drippier than Florida. Actually the last couple weeks, the humidity has been extremely low, hence the fires out east on L.I., but normally in summer it is more like 65 to 90%. Also the warm temperatures we are experiencing this March and April, I'm sure George has told you, is not normal. Should be more like the low 60's now. Oops, maybe George doesn't remember. He was still fairly young when he moved to Florida. Take care, Jen {{{Hugs}}}


10 dweej {house unseen} April 18, 2012 at 12:33 am

Fingers and toes and everything else crossed for you!


11 Rose from Oz April 18, 2012 at 1:50 am

I hear you dear Jen – and, it is so wonderful to see you writing again.


12 Alison@Mama Wants This April 18, 2012 at 1:51 am

I'm glad things are looking up for you, Jen, because you deserve all the happiness in the world. xo


13 Kimberly April 18, 2012 at 9:40 am

I love this Jen,
You are so positive and moving forward.
Praying for baby dust this summer.


14 alison April 18, 2012 at 1:15 pm

It seems as though the clouds are parting above you a bit, and your sunshine is beaming through. So hopeful for you! xo


15 katieross83 April 20, 2012 at 10:06 am

You're amazing. I just want you to know that. So proud of you and hopeful for the future.

And summer in New York sounds amazing…despite the hot, stickiness of it.


16 Natasha April 20, 2012 at 11:33 am

You are strong and you can do this. Sorry to hear what you are going thru but I know it will get better! Take care! Love always and I am here if you ever need a friend … we can talk over coffee… food .. just let me know 😉


17 euregirlsandboys April 23, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Yay for air conditioning! And it sounds like you've got a good plan of attack.


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