Silent – Day 25

by Jen on January 29, 2011

If you weren’t looking for an invitation to my pity party, stop reading now.  🙂
This week has given me a few out of the ordinary challenges.  I had a meeting at our corporate office on Tuesday, where I was introduced to several people I’d only “met” via e-mail.  I used minimal words, but for the sake of being professionally polite, I chose to speak.  People are typically pained when they hear me speak, so thankfully I wasn’t thrust into lengthy conversations with anyone.  On Wednesday, George turned 36 and I did a charades-style version of singing “Happy Birthday”.  Thursday, I insulted Reba McEntire, and Friday, I attempted to serve my community as a silent juror.  I survived.  
I am still taking Prilosec each morning and am doing my best to limit my speech.  I’m not exactly sure what will happen when my 30th day rolls around.  I’ve been building it up like it’s own New Year’s Eve countdown, but really, now that it’s only 5 days away, I can say with quite a bit of confidence that I’m still going to be hoarse.  Really hoarse.  I think at the beginning of all of this, I expected to open my mouth of the 31st day and songbird melodies would involuntarily explode from my lips.  Now, purposely being mute seems silly.  
I’ve been preparing the people I work with and talk to regularly that, while these 30 days would be difficult, it would be worth being able to clearly understand me on the 31st day.  I guess I was expecting a miraculous recovery.  It hasn’t happened.  I have follow up doctor’s appointments scheduled for February, so I’m trying not to get too discouraged beforehand.  However, I’m discouraged.  I am so completely discouraged.  And scared.
I feel absolutely ridiculous that I’ve made such an issue over vocal cords.  I realize I haven’t lost a limb.  I am not in any pain.  I don’t have cancer.  And I am so thankful for that.   I just feel scared that I just won’t be the same again; that I won’t be able to holler for my dogs if they accidentally wandered away from me.  I worry I won’t be able to sing for my dad, as he’s the only person on Earth that likes tolerates my singing.  I live far away from just about everyone I love and I NEED to nurture those relationships over the phone.  
I get winded trying to push out sound when I talk, as the only sound I can muster is forced from my abdomen.  It’s exhausting.  I learn something new everyday that reminds me of how much I took the ability to be heard for granted.  I want to be able to have a conversation with George where he isn’t forced to stare directly at my mouth to figure out what I’m trying to say, where he can walk four steps away and still hear me.  Pity party, much?  Thanks for coming.  Really.
My Silent Support Group member for today is going to be a “kick ass and take names” athlete someday. I’ve played football with him before and he left me battered and bruised.   He’s got a little NFL in his blood and his favorite food is “chichen” from “Chich Fil A”.  I pray nobody ever corrects his speech impediment.  It’s perfect.  🙂
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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Dawn @Lighten Up! January 29, 2011 at 5:18 am

Bless your heart! So sorry I haven't checked in with you for a bit. I'll say some prayers. Hugs.

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2 Heidi-"Heidi in January 29, 2011 at 6:27 am

Hey–same here. It's been a while. I have a friend who had to remain silent for many months because of vocal chord damage (she was a water serobics instructor and yelled too much). Be well and take it slow. Prayer with you!

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3 Anonymous January 29, 2011 at 12:42 pm

I will come to your pity party anytime you want!!! Yes it's not life threatening, but life changing and SO frustrating and scary. I will continue to pray for the miracle of a 5 day recovery, but won't stop until We are having a party to celebrate your voice back in action!! Plus kiddos grow up fast and soon you're going to have to call a little brulliot by first and middle name to get em in line!! Teri

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4 Jennifer Bruno January 30, 2011 at 5:59 pm

Thanks so much everybody. 🙂 After writing my post from today, I'm feeling much less sorry for myself.I appreciate the comments!

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