Silent – Day 15

by Jen on January 20, 2011

I’m half way home, brother!!!  Thirty days?!?!?!  No sweat!  
Silence. Sucks. Balls.
I have a whole new respect for the hearing impaired.  It is exhausting to get your point across without words.  It is frustrating when people don’t fully understand what you are saying and then, to try to clarify, you have to spend another quadrillion minutes trying to recommunicate what you’ve already tried to communicate.  
People still think I’m sick.  They are always asking me if I’m feeling better.  I just nod.  The wonderfully flamboyant cashier at Publix said, “Gurrrrrl, you’ve been sick for like FOREVER!”  People end all communication with me by telling me to get well soon.  I feel like I’m abusing their sympathy.  🙂
My voice doesn’t seem much better.  I have a little more fear today than I did a week ago.  What if this really doesn’t resolve itself???  What if my vocal cords are little pussies that can’t rejuvinate?  At the beginning of this, George and I would joke about needing an electrolarynx – now I’m seriously getting concerned.  I don’t have “fatal illness” fear.  But, I do have “normal life” fear.  
Since September I’ve gradually began to feel frustrated.  So much of my personality is displayed by the highs and lows of my voice.  My pitch changes reflect levels of enthusiasm, or sadness, or love.  As my voice has become more and more hoarse, my range of pitch has began to narrow, leaving me sounding bored and lethargic.  I can remember a thousand times when the sound coming out of my mouth surprised me.  My brain was triggering my sound to be bubbly and shrill, but my voice box betrayed me.  I would hang up the phone wondering if the person on the other end thought I was distracted or uninterested in them.  I want voice control back so I can squeal and boo and laugh like I used to.  Without it, I feel bland and misrepresented.
My friends and family have been so sweet to contribute photos for my silent updates.  Really, they mean so much to me!  Today’s baby might look sweet, but let the record show he made his poor mother puke up every single thing she ate for nine solid months!  Ornery since implantation.  🙂  Could you just die for those lashes???
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{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Megan January 21, 2011 at 4:33 am

those lashes are seriously amazing.You poor poor thing! I can't even imagine not being able to talk…although my husband might not be as distraught as I would be…

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2 runnyyolk January 21, 2011 at 6:19 am

Hi, here through ICLW. Why can't you talk? That would be so frustrating!

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3 runnyyolk January 21, 2011 at 7:04 am

PS thanks so much for visiting me the other day!

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4 Kristin January 21, 2011 at 7:58 am

It must be so frustrating waiting for your voice to return to normal. I hope the rest of the healing time speeds by.That little guy at the end of your post is just absolutely adorable. Truly precious.BTW, you are not the only one who has bought something from a door to door salesman (we got a Rainbow Vac) and you made a good decision with the Cutco knives. They are awesome.ICLW #59

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5 Rebecca January 21, 2011 at 8:17 am

Here from ICLW. Wow, I can't imagine having to be silent for 30 days!! I hope it helps, though. I love the pics your family and friends are sending.

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6 Bri @ She's Jus January 21, 2011 at 8:29 am

I found your blog through someone else and just had to go read all your posts about your (lack of) voice. I seriously hope these 30 days of torture/silence helps because this has to be one of the circles of hell. I know it would be for me. I get laryngitis quite often when I get sick or from bad allergies and I feel like I'll lose my mind, and that's only a couple days. I can't even imagine a full month! So lots of luck for you!

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7 Meara January 21, 2011 at 10:11 am

Can't believe you've made it so long! Way to go, you! (And yes, those lashes are fabulous!)

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8 Cortney January 21, 2011 at 3:40 pm

I'm totally impressed that you made it halfway! I don't think I would last 15 minutes, much less 15 days. Hoping this will all be worth it and you'll have your voice back soon!~ICLW #9

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9 Jennifer Bruno January 22, 2011 at 5:21 am

Megan – So many men ask George how he got so lucky! 🙂 I give them the finger.Runny – I've been to a couple docs and so far, nobody knows for sure why my vocal cords are damaged. So, as a measure to save them, I'm not talking for 30 days. It's a blast. Kristin – Thank you for making me feel better. 🙂 I'd probably buy one of those vacs from a door to door guy too. I hear those suckers are the bomb! :-)Rebecca – I KNOW! I am so happy to open my e-mail to a new picture each day. So fun!Bri – The funny thing is that when I used to get momentarily hoarse from allergies/sinuses, I always kind of enjoyed the days of sounding different. I am certainly regretting that now.Meara – Thanks girl! I appreciate you following this whole thing. :-)Cortney – Me too! Hoping this pays off! Thanks for stopping by!!! This is my first ICLW 🙂

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10 Carrie January 22, 2011 at 9:17 am

I could not imagine losing my voice like that. Yikes!At least it doesn't stop you from blogging :)Visiting from RDC

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11 varunner January 22, 2011 at 9:38 am

Well, I guess if all else fails you would fit in really well at a monastery? Visiting from the RDC, and I do hope your voice comes back soon!

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