Cute Panties

by Jen on December 13, 2010

Courtesy of Google Images
I finally bit the bullet and decided to tackle my panty drawer and P.U.R.G.E.  I don’t buy a lot of clothes, but over the years, I’ve purchased panties like it was my job.  I have a billion pairs.  Some lacy, some tiny, some cheeky, some mesh, some cotton, some thongs, some boy shorts, and some sequined.  I love them.  They are single handedly the most fun thing to buy.  Some people like shoes, I like undies.  I love their intricacies, the delicate fabrics, the detail, the fun colors, and the way they “made” me feel.  I use “made” because it’s been YEARS (and I’m not just talking two or three) since I’ve been able to wear them.  The panties I like are for the body I dream of – the body I had when I was 20.  Wearing the panties I love, cut me half like linked sausage and add insult to my injured muffin top.  I feel horrible in them.  Confined.  Sort of like I’m trying to rock a rubber band. Being fat means your clothes are already lumpy – small strings of satin trimmed elastic are like beautiful torture bands that enhance the fat ass in you (or me).
I lost weight for my wedding.  My outsides still didn’t quite match the skinny girl who lives inside of me, but it was a vast improvement from the 400 pounder I was at our engagement (and am today), but the quest for sexy wedding night drawers was still a challenge.  Sexy means tiny and stringy, and tiny and stringy means exposed fat rolls.  Poor, blind George.  I settled for something I didn’t feel completely gross in and am lucky to have a husband who pretends I’m Jessica Biel.  Needless to say, that was the one and only time I rocked those undies.  
There are so many things that suck about being fat.  The shame, for one.  Second… it’s fucking UNCOMFORTABLE.  And third, my underwear aren’t nearly as fun.  I’m sure I could list a fourth, fifth, and eightieth thing that suck about being fat, but you get the jest.  I just don’t understand.  I feel so much better when I exercise.  I feel so much happier when my clothes fit.  My whole “system” just works better when I’m eating with some sort of conscience, rather than inhaling everything in my sight like I might be robbed of sustenance without a moments notice.  When I’m thin, my PCOS regulates, Tina seems to get her shit together, my skin is clearer, and my general health sees massive improvements.  I.Am.Stupid.  I need a wall so I can bash my head into it.  The bitch of it is that I really don’t mind working out.  Sometimes, I even like it.  No kidding.  I love to run.  I like to sweat.  I even really enjoy sore muscles.  Wtf, right?
The eradication of my “cute” panties might be a metaphorical “white flag waving” gesture.  Do I give up on ever being cute?  I don’t know.  I have all the resources I could ever need to transform myself – ‘cept for the discipline.  I’m so frustrated with myself.  What I deserve is to shove my fat ass into those undies adorned with beautiful torture bands and rock them for the world to see.  Gross.  Least I’ve got this glowing and charismatic personality, right?  :-)  Til’ next time….
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{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }

1 My Uncen$ored Though December 14, 2010 at 11:50 am

Chicka, I'm right there with you on the cute panties! I don't have anywhere near your collection, (I prefer bras myself). But I always buy tons of matching sets. I want more than anything to feel like the sexy girl my bras make me feel like, but if I pan down the mirror to my waist in those cute panties that match, I feel like vomming. I'm mourning your panty loss with you!

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2 Jennifer Bruno December 14, 2010 at 6:52 pm

I love knowing I'm not alone. :-) Yes, a skinnier me ONLY wore matching sets. The current me wears whatever fits comfortably. Sexy. :-)

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3 I AM ... Chance December 16, 2010 at 6:37 pm

1st i cant tell u the last time i bought a pantie! Ive been wearing the same ones 4 a while! 2nd your being to hard on yourself! Yes being in shape is good for everyone… but being in good shape mentally is important too! I think when you focus more on exercising because it makes u feel good instead of losing weight it will feel… right! then everything else will fall in line!-Shante'

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4 Just Cherish Today December 18, 2010 at 6:50 am

following you from the lady bloggers – you havea cool blog- i know what its like to tackle clothes! it's no fun!!! :) come follow me back and lets keep in touch!!

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5 Classic NYer December 18, 2010 at 6:51 am

Wait, no! Reconsider! Why should such adorable little sexy things go to waste? Don't give up…Visiting from LBS!

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6 Holly December 18, 2010 at 7:04 am

I am a new follower from the lady bloggers. I must admit the dachshund picture brought me here..i have two doxies and am a little partial.lol My days of matching bras and panties have passed me by I'm afraid..but one can hope that those days return! Happy holidays!~

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7 Facing50Blog.com December 18, 2010 at 7:27 am

Already a follower I had to visit from LBS Tea Party today and love your post. I am exactly the same and I really should chuck out those tight little thongs and sexy numbers…quite honstly I could walk around in thigh length boots and a whip and Hubby wouldn't notice so I don't need sexy pants showing off the massive muffin top. Really enjoyed this.Carol from http://www.facing50withhumour.blogspot.com

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8 1 Funky Woman December 18, 2010 at 8:46 am

New follower! Well I think many of us are going through the same thing and doesn't it seem like it always hits at the holidays! I swear I've gained in the last week with all the Christmas goodies. I did laugh at how many pairs of panties you have, geesh how many do you have?Some people like shoes you like panties and I love lamps! We are weird. And you do have a good personality or you wouldn't write this. Hang in there the first step is recognizing what you need to do. Maybe we should go and have a margarita and some chips and guacamole and discuss our plans, lol!Megan

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9 Jules from A Little December 18, 2010 at 10:31 am

Hi from Lady Bloggers. I need to go through my "drawers" too! I love your wiener babies-I have one too!

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10 April December 18, 2010 at 5:27 pm

i'm following from the weekend blog hop! i hope you'll visit my blog and follow back!loved this post, i can totally relate to needing to purge the dreaded panty drawer more often!!best,april http://www.marineparents.blogspot.com

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11 Kelly~ Wave of Life December 19, 2010 at 9:15 am

Ugh- I hate trying to find the elusive combo of cute & comfortable!! Hi~ I am your newest follower from the LBSTP & would love it if you stopped by and returned the love :) http://waveoflifesurfstudio.blogspot.com/

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12 Grace December 19, 2010 at 11:21 am

Okay, I knew I loved you when I clicked on your blog to see dachshunds. Then I read a little and found out you're funny. You're my kind of gal.

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13 Dawn @Lighten Up! December 19, 2010 at 2:54 pm

Stopping in from Lady Bloggers, liked your post so much I followed. Come visit me, if you get a chance ;) If you're working out, and your guy loves you, what more do you need? You're obviously fabulously talented!!

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14 cornflakegirl74 December 19, 2010 at 3:43 pm

Hey, girly, I'm also visiting you today from LBS tea party and am glad to have discovered your beautiful blog over here. Don't EVER give up on being cute~you just got to get that confidence back: embrace it and feel sexy in those panties :) Am your latest follower!

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15 sheri February 27, 2012 at 12:01 pm

holy crap can I relate to this post. I too had to rid my drawers of my .. well drawers. haha I had to get rid of the once wearable "torture bands". I am at best guess about 50 lbs overweight. I don't eat garbage I just can't commit to working out for longer than 8 months at a time. I do very well and then fall off yet again. But lucky like you – my husband loves the crap out of me (as if I were Charlize Theron) … so cheers to that!

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